Scraps of feelings

Like in tv shows that we watch a lot of episodes in my life are just fillers. Arcs that are irrelevant to the whole point of my plot, nothing more than time that must be wasted spent to fill the 24 hour day waiting to be lived.

I go to the office pantry and wash my mug to prepare some tea. I go to Dumaguete to swim with the pawikan and just lay on the hot, white sand. I go to Tagaytay for the birthday salubong of one of my friends. I wait for the elevator while i eat my Mcdo caramel sundae, carrying another paper bag where my apple pie waits to be enjoyed a few moments later.

I enjoy the smell of an officemate's coffee while I stare at my Excel. I drive 110kph when the limit is 100. I finally find my go-to moisturizer after going through 4 branches. And then I later on find out it has been completely discontinued. I eat chicken-spaghetti for 11pm dinner at the airport after another fly-in fly-out work day. I thank God because I am safe.

I think about love and how it saves the world. I think about butterflies in my stomach and when I'll get to feel it again - for the right person. I think about happiness and what it means. 

I mean, what is happiness for you?

I think about my plot, which of my episodes matter and don't. Then I wonder who's to say that my tea preparation is an irrelevant episode. Or that me eating sundae and apple pie before my actual lunch is an arc that needs no mention.

Who am I to say that my most mundane activities are fillers, if I don't really know my plot. I take pleasure in not knowing, although admittedly there is relief in knowing some other things. I'm happy I know I have my bed, I have my desk at work, I have my red notebook, red card holder, and red mug. Until when, I don't know, but as for now, I am sure.

I thank God for the things that I am sure of. I thank God for a lot. I sometimes feel selfish asking for some things when there is constant reminder in the streets, media, internet - that life hasn't been fair for many. What did I do to deserve more than what others are having?

I hope 2016 brings to everyone the love that they deserve. Everyone deserves true happiness, whether through love, career, family, advocacy - to each his own.

Because if you're not happy, what's the point?