Relationships out of convenience.
I have this internal battle of 2 concepts going on in my head, for the past few... minutes. Past 15 minutes maybe. I wanted to tweet about it but I couldn't express my thoughts in less than 140 characters, so I shall go freewriting instead. Mind exercise.
"Friends, relationships, out of convenience."
I've only recently been introduced to this perspective. I didn't really look at things this way; and now that I know this angle, it's a pain to reconcile it with my past (I mean current) outlook. I like this and I like my old (current!) one also. Deym.
This "relationships out of convenience" idea says that the people in my circle are precisely the people in my circle because they just happened to be there. *I am so not eloquent right now.* I mean, my friends just became my friends because we happened to be seated side by side by side during the first day of school. Or because we all got hired for work at the same time for the same type of post. Or because we ended up as groupmates after being randomly grouped by the prof. That it all happened and developed out of convenience.
It's been introduced to me at a negative connotation, that I do not put myself out there "enough" so I only get to know people who happen to come cross my path. (note that they cross/ed my path, not us meeting halfway) There's nothing wrong there, I think, but let's just say I could be more there.
So what does it clash with in my pre-idea-explained-above self?
I've mentioned it in passing in my Chapter Two post.
"I am not the type of person to enjoy life through mixers, dating, or "meeting new people" in random (or not so random) places. That's just not me. I prefer the organic way of things."
That's pretty much it. But just to cook the idea more, my belief is that I do what I want to do, I do not do what I do not want to do, and I don't care. *not eloquent today. yes yes?* I mean, I like it organic. Nothing forced. Nothing out of my convenience.
Goodness, I think this is what others call "fate".
Right?
And I'd really rather not call it that, fate, because I do not believe in it (in its dictionary definition). I say I make my own fate. So if I decided to sit on that exact chair, fate did not bring me there. I brought me there. There's self empowerment and self direction and all that other self worth shiz underneath that backs up such belief, so it really isn't more "fate" as it is "wanting things to develop on its own."
Right?
I don't know.
And then there's just no reconciling it with having faith, in God's plan, that everything has a purpose. Which is it?
Still don't know.
Is this a cultural conlfict? Just a difference in upbringing?
My "conservative" (and I am using the word loosely here) preference versus the "I am young and up for adventures" side of self. That after I've known the rules, I get to play some game. It's just difficult to play it, right? After just knowing how to do it, to actually doing it. . . . And again I digress.
...
Regroup regroup. My thoughts are all over.
I think what I'm trying to harmonize here is that I like things to go to the direction that they do without me steering the wheel too much. I let it take its course, and I don't actively turn it blindly. And then there's the idea of not wanting to be limited. I want to know my roads, I want to see where I could be, whether or not I drive it there. And I could, if I wanted to, so I want to see those possibilities.
I still do not know if I am making sense.
Thank you for being boggled with me. Or if you're not, thoughts please? :)
And just so we all know where all this blab is coming from, all of these things are a product of some insights exchange with an officemate. We come from different backgrounds so there's a lot to learn from each other's side, one of them this whole trail. And yes, we were mostly talking about romantic relationships (bet you knew that already), because i'm single and officemate's not.
Cool to have new perspectives. Sorta twists your own. Good and bad. Good and Bad. :)
