This weather.

Today the skies chose to be more melancholic. 2 months of intense heat and vibrance just calls for this sepia dreamy filter to finally set the mood.

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Am really more of the summer kind of girl, beaches and fruit shakes all over. I prefer being the "sunshine-y" one over the emo, though i find nothing wrong in including some emotions in the mix.

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A friend once told me, "emotions are valid."

There are times where I question my self for having feelings, thinking about things, replaying memories, imagining the future. And I tell myself that I am an idiot for doing so. That what I'm feeling really isn't worth any time, whether mine or others'.


But no, emotions are valid.

--

And then i see this quote,

"The most solid advice for a writer is this, I think: Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough." - Ernest Hemingway

You will be dead soon enough.

And all the more I just want to dive in humanity. To just stop and think a while, talk a while, feel a while. What are you doing now? What am I doing now.

--

Strength is not to ignore emotions. Strength is to acknowledge and face it. It's a good adjective to receive. And after you've realized that you are strong, you'd just once again want to be vulnerable. To subject yourself to that rollercoaster again, because after learning that you'll get through it, you'll next realize that these rides are what makes you. They makeup life, they make you who you are.

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They say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

And some say that is not true.

I once said that yes, it is not true. The pain, was painful. The meaning of painful, look it up. But I'd advise you not to try it.

But now that I think about it, it is true.

Because you'll live. And you'll see that the other side is rewarding. And you'll be thankful you went through it, because growth was waiting for you. And you'll blossom. And you'll dance. And you'll discover. And you'll live. Really live. And you'll just be thankful.

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This weather. Makes you think. Good and bad, good and bad.

Chapter Three

This shall be my most cryptic chapter yet, because I shall be annoyingly vague and useless, freewriting as I think and realize all these thoughts and emotions unwelcomely marinating and consuming my free (and yes not so free) time.

A milestone has happened last err yeah week blah blah blah. ERASE. Tsk.

It was a big deal. For me, at least. Not sure with the other one, but but but the way it looks now it's not.

It's a milestone because nothing remotely close to it has ever happened before (asterisk). It isn't necessarily good, nor bad, but it's something worthy of a place in my bank of memories.

I am mainly hard on myself for not being able to let this go easily. I mean, I should be ~cool about it I guess. But. But.

jahfiacnialdonwosliaeuvniuaerhiuanurhincairglnaieioaehoaicjksjic.

Yuck. I am writing about this. The normal me won't be sharing this out here, but I'd just like the future me to look back and read this post and re-live the confusion and nonsense thoughts and blabbing and how so much of a girl I am at this exact moment. And cringe at the thought of it.

But future me, I'd like to remind you, that that day was an awesome day. It was. :)

Things could be more positive, if you ask me. But if it doesn't go somewhere along that path, it isn't really up to me.

"...wait for it!..." says Barney.

All I can do is just that.

And what sucks the most, right now, is having to feel/imagine that this really could all just be nothing.

Nothing.


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"Make way for the bigger, the better, the reckoning, the miraculous and the beautiful. It’s ready for you when you are."