Cebu - Bohol!

These are just a few photos from last August's Cebu-Bohol trip with friends. It was a packed 5-day itinerary where we spent a day and a half in Bohol, and the rest exploring Cebu. We were able to visit Oslob down south, and Bantayan Islands up north (where I got stung by a Jellyfish!!! Haha but still the beach is love!). I would say that all the places we visited are highlight-worthy. The two provinces are rich with spots that we could just explore leisurely if only we had more time and money!

My favorite of my entire stay though, was when I finally met my sponsored child from World Vision, Shane. Her birthday's in August so I knew that it would be the perfect time to meet and celebrate! Seeing and finally getting to talk to her and her family was such a beautiful humbling experience. She and her family was shy, especially that they're not very fluent in Filipino, but their smiles and gratitude was more than enough to let me know that they appreciate the visit and everything else. Hopefully I can visit back for her graduation, especially because not only is she a pretty kid, but she's also top of her class! That's my girl!

Hoping to explore more of Pinas!

Pink 5ive

I guess I felt it. The slow loss of your warmth. But I never really wanted to see it, as I always only thought of it as you being tired with work. And of course, you had all the right to be tired. So I wanted just to be there massaging you when you have headaches, or gliding my fingers through your hair as I fix it; even though you look amazing whether or not you comb.

It's all my fault; I now realize.

Realizations only come when we are somewhere between the stages of being hurt and moving on. It's when we're a little past that stage of sudden crying while taking a bath, commuting, or eating; and right at the start of the phase of being strong and regrouping your life.

Then you ask yourself, "are these realizations, absolute truths, or my truths?"

I remember you in everything that I do. I walk around Megamall and remember our dates; I eat at World Chicken and I think of our usual order. Heck, my bed sheets now are a gift from your parents. But I take them all in. I close my eyes and savor the memories, and try to smile as I fight my tears.

Am I now really starting to regroup? Am I actually able to stand up from this in less than a month? I do not have a choice. I may be rushing into healing that I only get to put band aids on my wounds without really cleaning and treating them. But. The world won't wait for me. I gotta keep up.

It doesn't really matter. Whatever gets you going, whatever will help you become a better person, and whatever will help you heal your shattered heart, is all the truth you need. Trust yourself in knowing what you did right and what you did wrong. And it will be easier to move along with truths that are accepted by the heart and mind.

Acceptance. You acknowledge, you nod. And you hope that it may change. You accept, you embrace. And let go of your own ways. I still cry and get sad every now and then. I acknowledge that. But for now, the world leaves me with no choice but to a life that is to start from scratch.

And I embrace it.

---
Freewriting while idle earlier in the afternoon. Started this trail of thought when I heard Silent Sanctuary's "Pink 5ive" play on the radio, hence the title.

Aaaand that's it.

4 years and 5 months. Not bad. Actually, it wasn't bad at all. I loved every minute of it, and will forever treasure that defining part of my life.

But I have to be in touch with the reality that its now all over. Open my eyes each waking day and just remember to forget it. To put it all behind me.

Thank you, for everything. You changed me, and I am thankful for that.

I am happy that we are ending this with all the respect that we have for each other intact. I am happy that no harsh words were thrown out when we were dealing with it. I am happy that we are mature in dealing with the situation. I am happy that we think and we feel.

But essentially, I will have to find myself again to be able to be really happy, in its most simple definition, again.

As much as I don't want to be too melodramatic about it, this being my very first breakup and nonetheless from a 4year5month relationship is I think too much to handle for me. I've just been too happy for the longest time that I've been blindsided by this much pain.

For now, I continue to pray that I bounce back soon from this emotional torture. I am thankful to friends who have helped me and listened to me. I am truly grateful.

And I am thankful to the world for making me realize that yes, you will continue to roll even if I feel like not rolling.

The best teachers really do not care. They just teach.

The day I cut a few things

I truly hope I get to keep this post short. Because on this day, the day I cut my boyfriend's hair, I ended up cutting a lot more.

Tools

Before the renegade

Libreng gupit! (excuse the pambahay outfitey)

Evidence

After

So, how did I do? I let boyfriend use one of my loose pambahays as his "haircut shirt", then he showered after all the feeling-propesyunal-na-barbero stint of mine was over. Not a lot was cut off but boyfriend likes it. He says i'll do all of his future haircuts from now on. Coolio.

My boyfriend. My boyfriend. The. Boyfriend.

Ah.

The day after this haircut happened, the boyfriend and I had a fight.

That was last week.

No it wasn't because of the haircut.

It was serious. Scary serious.

We've never had a major fight in our four years and four months of being together.

Until this day. Or well, last week.

A lot of things that has never been said and done, were said and done. A lot of emotions, a lot of.. yes. I don't wanna bore you.

And I don't wanna cry.

I should say, without any exaggeration, that I've had the greatest scare of my life this day. Or well, last week. And it had something to do with me having to cut everything off with my life. (ghoent code: my life = my bf) 

Lalalala.

Don't judge.

Thank God.

Thank God.

We are working things out now.

We are talking, and healing, and learning from all that happened.

I learned a lot. I really did.

I pray that what was cut, will be replaced by something new.

I know that it will never be the same.

But I sure pray that it's  a lot stronger.

Today we hit our largest bump yet. Or well, last week.

There are some scratches. But I know it's all in the surface.

And deep down, we're still in it for the long haul.

At least I hope so.

And I truly and will forever pray so.

And will surely unendlessly work hard for.

And certainly [wish I] know so.

All blessings are blessings

This past week has been a blessed week for me.

But the weeks before this, were heartbreaking.

Boyfriend's father suffered a mild stroke about 3 weeks ago. And dear bf couldn't sleep. He and his two sisters are here in Manila, while their mom and dad are in the province. It was difficult to not be able to do anything. And I was praying really hard that Dado (how we call bf's dad) gets better asap.

Bf's laptop one fine morning decided not to turn on. Yeah, this was about 3 weeks ago too. Files and research of his thesis for his master's, there. His students' exams and records, also there. Having no TV, all else (news, entertainment, updates, communication) are pretty much in there too. I couldn't be more helpless for bf. And I am praying that it gets fixed soon.

My laptop, about 2 weeks ago, also decided not to turn back on. Crazy. It just. felt. crazy. And I am praying that it gets fixed soon too.

Did I mention, that I am unemployed? Well, I'm not really bummed out about that. It just crossed my mind that if I had a job, then I would have been (and be) able to help bf with some financial issues. Bf, being the eldest, I can feel was stressing about all the things that are happening. But being the strong and totally funny and cool guy that he is, he is just taking everything in like it was just challenging his greatness (he is kinda crazy, he says he is a god. lol.).

But God, the One up there, is really the all powerful God. And I can't thank Him enough.

Not all of my prayers have been answered yet. The two laptops are still borken. But Dado is recovering well and I am grateful and thankful for that. Thank You Lord.

I have won two giveaways recently. Gifts are always a beautiful reminder of happy thoughts. And indeed these gifts make me happy. And I am grateful and thankful for that. Thank You Lord.

Bf is getting opportunities as a tutor, aside from him being an instructor. Extra cash is always welcome. I know that his schedule requires him to be a superhero, and thank God he is as strong as one. And on top of that, he still has time for me. And am grateful and thankful for that. Thank You Lord.

I just really want to thank God for giving me bf. He is the best. And I have no idea what I did right to deserve him. I am blessed, and I will forever be thankful and grateful for that. Thank You Lord.

I am not laptop-less. Because we still have our big laptop here at home that I can use for personal and business opportunities. And am grateful and thankful for that. Thank You Lord.

Speaking of business opportunities, God has blessed me. Just a week ago I posted this ad and miraculously, I already have two customers to date. I pray for more customers to come, but really the two customers are testament to God's loving and caring power. The extra cash is all very welcome. I can at least now treat bf to a nice dinner to reward and relax him from all the pressure that I know he is burdened with. Thank You Lord.

A lot of people say that God is overrated. Well, I am not here to convince you otherwise. But I am here to thank God for everything good that He has done for me. The problems I mentioned may be nothing to others, and I am sure that the blessings I mentioned are worth nothing to many. But they all mean everything to me right now. I am not usually like this, very vocal and maybe mushy, but I just feel so blessed. I can't contain it.  So blessed I've got to give it away (love that song). And the only way I can really give back right now is by thanking Him endlessly. Thank You Lord.

Thank You Lord.

--
Thank You Lord, its bf and I's 51st month together. Forevermore to come, please.