The Cupcake Project.

A random addiction has hit me. CUPCAKES.

I am a dessert person. My favorite would be pastries, more than ice cream or candies or chocolates - but that's not to say I don't like the others. Anything that's sweet makes me happy. Pastries just are a wide range and I really appreciate how they are made and prettified to convince dumb and low-EQed buyers like me.

And caving to the temptation isn't really an issue. I say I reason well and I can pretty much justify whatever I want to do (or eat - except for budget issues), so my indulgence guilt only wins at a rate of 1 is to 4 (useless inaccurate statistic). Because when I can no longer defend my indulgence, I just drop everything and say, demmit. YOLO. Joke.

I've been craving (and yielding to) cupcakes for some weeks now and I've decided to start documenting. I usually prefer cakes but because cupcake frostings make temptations 1000x more difficult to resist, I've recently started exploring this side of the cake.

So The Cupcake Project is all about... reviewing cupcakes.

A. I don't know how to bake. So if you guys thought I'll be baking some cupcakes, I am disappointed at myself too. *pa-cute sad face*
B. I will only be reviewing 3 kinds of cupcakes:

1. Red Velvet. (just because)
2. Any peppermint-flavored cupcake. (because I love love choco mint chocolate, choco mint ice cream, and choco mint candies. So if I come across any peppermint cupcakes, I will have to try them out.)
3. A different flavor. (When I say different, it should be different. No just-another-chocolate-twist, or some variation of everyday fruit flavors. Very subjective but i'll try to find these types.)

I only have ONE Reviewing Rule:

It's all about the cupcake.

Meaning:

1. Its mass popularity (or the lack of it) is irrelevant to the rating of the cupcake.
2. The store aesthetics, the kind of service I received, and its packaging, no matter how tempting to include in the review, will stay out of it. (but may or may not be shown in pictures)
3. Price is the only non-actual-cupcake factor to be valued.

And another list.

What I like in a cupcake:

Obviously, this review is based on satisfying my liking. So I am sorry if we do not have the same opinions, but at least we'll get to know the cupcake from 1 (out of infinite aka the world population -- because I don't want to google the world's actual population) perspective. :)

1. I like 'em rich, dense, and sinful. (we're talking about cupcakes here. hahaha.)
2. I love surprises. (still about cupcakes. ya know, after the bite. haha.)

Disclaimer: I am not a food blogger. In fact, if you backread my food-bearing posts you'll see that in describing my meals, I only use "yummy" and "delicious" and other preschool adjectives. I will now though try to be more vivid. I just love sweets and I would like to remind myself of the experience I've had in eating them by storing them in paper (internet). (Deym. Maybe this is a bad idea. Creating another venue for temptation!)


So, game na ba?


I will start, not today. But will do soon! :)


*Currently eating the cupcake pictured above. :)*

Summer where it rains.

I finally, finally got to go out of town with friends now, from since approximately... I don't know, my birth! And I mean to a place where it requires an airplane to get to -- because Tagaytay etc do not exactly qualify ---- let's say, some place like Boracay. Boracay!

I spent the last weekend of September at Boracay with girl co-workers. I am currently the unica ija of the MTs so my girl pals at the office belong to another set of friends. Anyway, they invited me to go last mid September and because 1.) I've always wanted to travel with friends, 2.) the fare and accommodations were cheap and 3.) the schedule was perfect - fit seamlessly with my work sched (only half day friday leave!) and body hormones sched (you get me), it was a no-brainer. Count.me.in!

I had the flight booked that same afternoon, and only told my parents about it the day after. They can't do anything about it that way, I guess, and it was more of an FYI than a "May I" sort of thing. Sneaky. My Cinderella days are really now ~evolving. Haha!

Here are a few (I lie. I tried to paste in only a few but...) photos from that weekend:

Of course, plenty of pics just calls for filtering. The boracay stories will stay there, and among us 5. It was a gloomy Saturday then but was followed by a scorching hot Sunday; so at least we got to experience both sky moods.

I was able to get a few things from there, 2 of which are these:

Bottled salsa and vinaigrette. I am yet to taste the vinaigrette, and the salsa's already more than halfway finished. It tastes sour and may be bordering tomato paste sour (good texture/consistency though) but I love it that way! I just add in some basil and a pinch of salt to really bring out it's flavor (I havo NO idea of what I am talking about but I add them in anyway). Next time I go there, I'll probably hoard more of these. I think this salsa cost me P165? And the vinaigrette's only P120. Not bad.

I am still missing the sand and beautiful vibes from that beautiful weekend. I truly hope that more adventures come in at this last quarter of the year.

Thank You for all these!! :)

Friends Out of Convenience.

Relationships out of convenience.

I have this internal battle of 2 concepts going on in my head, for the past few... minutes. Past 15 minutes maybe. I wanted to tweet about it but I couldn't express my thoughts in less than 140 characters, so I shall go freewriting instead. Mind exercise.

"Friends, relationships, out of convenience."

I've only recently been introduced to this perspective. I didn't really look at things this way; and now that I know this angle, it's a pain to reconcile it with my past (I mean current) outlook. I like this and I like my old (current!) one also. Deym.

This "relationships out of convenience" idea says that the people in my circle are precisely the people in my circle because they just happened to be there. *I am so not eloquent right now.* I mean, my friends just became my friends because we happened to be seated side by side by side during the first day of school. Or because we all got hired for work at the same time for the same type of post. Or because we ended up as groupmates after being randomly grouped by the prof. That it all happened and developed out of convenience.

It's been introduced to me at a negative connotation, that I do not put myself out there "enough" so I only get to know people who happen to come cross my path. (note that they cross/ed my path, not us meeting halfway) There's nothing wrong there, I think, but let's just say I could be more there.

So what does it clash with in my pre-idea-explained-above self?

I've mentioned it in passing in my Chapter Two post.

"I am not the type of person to enjoy life through mixers, dating, or "meeting new people" in random (or not so random) places. That's just not me. I prefer the organic way of things."

That's pretty much it. But just to cook the idea more, my belief is that I do what I want to do, I do not do what I do not want to do, and I don't care. *not eloquent today. yes yes?* I mean, I like it organic. Nothing forced. Nothing out of my convenience.

Goodness, I think this is what others call "fate".

Right?

And I'd really rather not call it that, fate, because I do not believe in it (in its dictionary definition). I say I make my own fate. So if I decided to sit on that exact chair, fate did not bring me there. I brought me there. There's self empowerment and self direction and all that other self worth shiz underneath that backs up such belief, so it really isn't more "fate" as it is "wanting things to develop on its own."

Right?

I don't know.

And then there's just no reconciling it with having faith, in God's plan, that everything has a purpose. Which is it?

Still don't know.

Is this a cultural conlfict? Just a difference in upbringing?

My "conservative" (and I am using the word loosely here) preference versus the "I am young and up for adventures" side of self. That after I've known the rules, I get to play some game. It's just difficult to play it, right? After just knowing how to do it, to actually doing it. .  .  . And again I digress.

...

Regroup regroup. My thoughts are all over.


I think what I'm trying to harmonize here is that I like things to go to the direction that they do without me steering the wheel too much. I let it take its course, and I don't actively turn it blindly. And then there's the idea of not wanting to be limited. I want to know my roads, I want to see where I could be, whether or not I drive it there. And I could, if I wanted to, so I want to see those possibilities.


I still do not know if I am making sense.


Thank you for being boggled with me. Or if you're not, thoughts please? :)


And just so we all know where all this blab is coming from, all of these things are a product of some insights exchange with an officemate. We come from different backgrounds so there's a lot to learn from each other's side, one of them this whole trail. And yes, we were mostly talking about romantic relationships (bet you knew that already), because i'm single and officemate's not.


Cool to have new perspectives. Sorta twists your own. Good and bad. Good and Bad. :)

Today's Letter

August 26, 2012

Dear Friend,

Today I went to UST to accompany my brother for his USTET. Itay had a prior appointment so he couldn't take him, so my sister and I had to. I didn't want to at first but I figured it was an opportunity to go back to UST. I studied there for a year before I transferred to UP, and the last time I visited was when I was in my second year at UP. I used to always attend Paskuhan there with my ex-classmates. It's a Christmas thing/program of UST, something like the UP Fair but different. But it's an equivalent.

My sister took this photo of me, and I tweeted it. 

My tweet said "Windy UST." I miss rhyming words. I don't know why I had to tweet that, maybe I'm narcissistic. But I sincerely hope I'm not.

Brother said the exam was "okay"; he had difficulty answering science more than math. I taught him a few ~basic algebra concepts 10minutes before we left the house, just to make sure he has something to remember when he needs to. And to catch up on my guilt trip because I didn't teach him at all for UPCAT. I hope he passes.

---

2 weeks ago I went to tagaytay with my UP friends. I'd normally just refer to them as my college friends but since I told you about my first year being spent at UST, I didn't want you to get mixed up.

The original plan was for us to have an overnight somewhere, whether South or North. But I wasn't allowed by my parents because that was the week that the habagat just hit Luzon and it was I guess unsafe. I understand their decision. So the new plan was to then just have a day trip, Sunday of that week.

Saturday night I texted them for the meetup details. We still haven't decided where exactly we were going. 30 minutes later, they called me. 

"Hulaan mo kung nasaan kami." 

"I hate youuuuuuuu!"

They went to Laguna without me. I wasn't really thrilled by it, but they said that I could just follow them there by Sunday morning. That got me really excited. I have not ridden a bus province-bound, on my own. I liked the idea. It's an adventure before the adventure day trip.

They taught me the commute details and everything was set. I left the house at around 4am, and got at the bus station by 5. My parents were okay with it, I told them I was going with my friends to have a day trip at Laguna. I was actually surprised I didn't get a lot of questions.

The best part about the ride was the fact that I met a really nice girl, my bus seatmate. I asked her about the payment details of the bus, and how long the travel time was to my destination. We ended up talking the whole bus ride, approximately an hour and a half. Her name's Kristinasol, or Kristina Sol, I don't really remember if it's one name or not. The "Kristina" part of her name was random, mainly because her grandmother didn't approve of Katrina (I think because it wasn't on the Bible). "Sol" is her aunt's name, because her aunt won the bet that her mother was pregnant of a girl and not a boy. I find that story more cool than funny. I admire parents who name their children randomly, because it takes a lot of courage to do that. My parents obviously had it the other way around, to name me Ghoent must've taken ~time to be as it is. But I admire them for that as well, because they reasoned and really thought about it.

I think I know a lot about Katrina Sol more than I know some aquaintances from school or work. I found out that she's from UP as well, and we are about the same age. Her first degree is BS Agriculture from UPLB, and now she's taking up a second degree at UP Diliman, Linguistics I think. It's amazing that I can still remember these details even if this happened two weeks ago. She's focusing on Japanese ling, and I know this because we talked about her handouts that I saw her reviewing. She had a test pending the resumption of classes. It's refreshing to see someone review notes on their way back home. I mean it's normal to review on your way to school, but when you see someone review on the way home, that's something. She said she didn't want to get bored along the way, but I think she's just really a good student. 

She showed me a box that was giftwrapped in a special Japanese way, and told me about her buying the fabric at some store that sold them cheaper, instead of getting bandanas that were priced 4times more expensive. We talked about groupings, how she gets away with introducing herself as a freshman. She's petite and pretty at that. And she is on her first year after all.

We also talked about her family. She was on her way to Laguna to have a "family meeting", and she said they've always had family meetings since she was eight. And she was always aware of family happenings, if they had or didn't have money, etc etc. They scheduled a family meeting that day at Jollibee, because of the Habagat. Apparently their house was greatly affected so they couldn't even meet there. But she was happy that her family's safe, and I was happy they were too.

It was a great start of the morning, really, because we talked so much that when my friends asked me where I was, I would reply 10minutes late because Sol and I were talking a lot. Even the kondoktor became our friend because I kept on asking him if my stop was already near.

When I finally had to leave, we just said goodbye and thanked each other for the nice ride. It's the first time I've really talked to a stranger, and everything felt pleasant. It was a good morning.

---

I then met with my friends and we decided to go to Tagaytay, at People's Park in the Sky. We did a lot of talking, got lost because google maps wasn't aware that he recommended a route that involved a private subdivision. We took a lot of pictures when we got there. Here are a few:

We went back to Manila after that. We were tired and all the pictures and road conversations and breakfast and lunch conversations were all enough for us. It was a really good day.

---

It's a long weekend so I don't have work tomorrow. Too bad our supposed Monday get together with my workmates got cancelled. Well, next time.

There always is a next time anyway. Right?

Love always,

Ghoent

-----

I'm currently reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower, so you guys know how this entry is patterned to it. I am really liking the book. :) I'm almost done, but I'm trying not to finish it just yet because it's a great read. The book had the main character Charlie describe one of the books he read (it was Charlie's professor, actually) as "Easy to read but difficult to read well."

This book's not far from that. It's a light read, but I know everything means so much more than it does up front. And I'm taking my time in realizing all those. I'm really appreciating it. :)

For the girls out there, here's one of my favorites:

It's like he would take a photograph of Sam, and the photograph would be beautiful. And he would think that the reason the photograph was beautiful was because of how he took it. If I took it, I would know that the only reason it's beautiful is because of Sam.

I just think it's bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees the girl is better than the girl actually is.

---

This entry's so long. I should've probably broken it down to two or three letters/entries.

Chapter Two

I've been part of the not-in-a-relationship world for about 6 months now. That's half a year for my Chapter One. For the purpose of my melodramatic corny mood, let's name that chapter, The Aftermath.

And how has it been? Not bad. It's been great. :) Work is enriching, and the people I'm with are a handful of morons. Morons like me, morons that make me laugh, morons that I love. My worklife really has been a blessing, keeping me busy and teaching me to enjoy life.

Ze Morons

I honestly feel like a teenager all over again. Wait scrap that. I feel like I'm only being a teenager now. I haven't really been this free, this sociable, and easygoing. It's such an accomplishment that I've been drinking (do not paint a wasted girl's picture yet, I have good control -- which is kind of a bummer when i feel like drinking to get really wasted, if you ask me.) out and having dinners/tambay with workmates on weekdays, spontaneous dinners with my bestfriends, and talking more with friends that I've lost touch with since I've been in a relationship. 

In retrospect, I was a good lover, but a terrible friend. And I will never let that happen again. When I enter into a new relationship, I'll make sure to still get my friends up in the picture. But we're getting ahead of ourselves here...

I like what one of my bosses said when he learned that I "just" got out of a 4andahalf year relationship. "Okay lang yan. I-enjoy mo lang."

It's the simplest, most uncomplicated advice I have received, but he said it at such a timing that I was able absorb its most bare meaning. I-enjoy mo lang. And that's what I am doing now.

I am not the type of person to enjoy life through mixers, dating, or "meeting new people" in random (or not so random) places. That's just not me. I prefer the organic way of things. The slow growth of feelings, developing something that wasn't really intended, knowing that bonds have been formed beneath just the romance. I'm a romantic like that. May or may not be obvious IRL though. Hihi.

So when I say enjoying, it's really more of being able to look at life with nothing to worry about. I have the world in my hands. I will be turning 25 later this year and I am lucky that I am enjoying and experiencing life at this phase. I feel like my decisions matter more, what I say and do have legit consequences, and that I am a part of the world and the world is a part of me. 

Why end Chapter One at 6months? Because I was able to talk with ex just last night. 

I recently marched at UP to officiallize (such a word?) my graduation even though I've been working for about 5 months now. To cut the story short, I was inviting some of my batchmates/orgmates to go out for dinner and catchup. My graduation is a good excuse to force that. Haha. One of my orgmates wanted ex to come, and of course, knowing that ex and I are okay now, I texted him. oh wait. I think I have to define "ex and I are okay now" first.

Rewind:

The details are unimportant, but I forgot to tell you about us meeting earlier this year to return a few things to each other. No, it's not like those cheesy gift-returning things. He gave back my external optical drive and 2 books, and I returned his book too. These are important things. Haha. The meetup was good, we updated each other about our lives/work, and it was at this meetup where I realized that we really are better friends than lovers. To make you understand it more, pareho kaming may pagka-gago. Haha. The friend connection is still there even though the romantic side has ended. I'm proud that we're mature that way.

Fast forward to our conversation last night. The biggest update I received was that --- he now has a new girlfriend.

How would you react to that? Seriously, do not continue reading yet. Think about it, and try to think of how to process that kind of news.

Reacting isn't too easy, no? I was surprised. I didn't really expect the news, but I later realized that it's no longer my business. Now this may sound hypocritical, but I am sincerely happy he's happy now.

He was apologetic for a couple of texts, and I would understand why he is. He said he was feeling guilty of having a new girlfriend before I had a new boyfriend, and that 6 months is too short of a time. I would think that too, I guess. But thinking about it, I've already moved on too. And the only difference is that I am in a relationship with the world. 

I know he's sincere with it. He's a good guy. But I wanted to free him from that feeling, because really, aside from and more than the fact that I've moved on myself, what he does no longer concerns me.

We had a good talk about it, and I am happy that we had the conversation. I remember How I Met Your Mother's "No Pressure" episode. This moment reminded me of Ted's realization about his relationship with Robin. It's done, and it's the official step that we had to have. Here and now is a good place and time. I am thankful for exactly this minute, this second.

"...it's like making a new chapter even more official. i feel so free. congrats to us. ... am excited for our own lives. :) ..."

A line from our exchanges.

We both agreed that the talk really made us more comfortable with each other, that we are both happy in our separate ways now. Wala nang awkward moments. 

Ending things without a clear reason is always a difficult thing. Difficult because the acceptance stage will linger a while longer, because you do not know exactly what you are accepting. But the thing that I probaly picked up from this is that not everything needs a reason. I am one of those logical people who always relies on reason more than intuition; so you could just imagine me trying to figure things out. But in the end, knowing the reason no longer matters. It's about valuing your life and not being trapped in a world that no longer exists. You paint your world, so pick up the bright colors.

It's like watching one of those investigation shows, and the case ends up not being solved. It's difficult to move on from, you formulate theories, obssess about it for some time, but you eventually forget it and move on. It's a more interesting story, in my opinion. And you learn more from it, because you get to look at a lot of angles. It makes for good growth.

We are now completely free from each other. And I am looking forward to meeting the one for me. :)

"The first guideline in using your time wisely is to remember that today is the most important day of your life. If you live in the past, there is no hope for the future; if you live in the future, there is no hope for today. Tomorrow may never come, the past is a matter of record, but today lies in your grasp. If you would use today wisely, you must remember that time doesn't slip through your hand an hour at a time. It trickles through your fingers a second at a time. Make up your mind that every second is important." - Dr. Harold Sala

Chapter 2, here we go.

March of April

So I finally graduate from college, officially! I've been working for a good 5 months now so going back to UP to finally march on stage elicits some mix of emotions.

I miss UP, UP Engg, my friends, classmates, orgmates, favorite eating spots, "ate mainlib" where i used to always eat, "kuyate" (because we don't know if s/he's a kuya or an ate) from Beach House, etc. I miss UP. The culture, the people.

I cried when the dedication video prepared by the Engg Student Council for the graduating batch was played. Spot on. Good job ESC.

It was nice to see my profs, some batchmates (because my orig batchmates graduated last year), and classmates. To be within the green campus. See Oble. Get dehydrated out of heat. Stand for a few hours to wait for the start of the ceremony. Sweat. Smile. Take pictures.

I will forever be thankful to UP. You taught me a lot. And most of it are the things I learned outside of the classroom. Thank you for shaping me to what I am now: part strong, part soft, part nice, part bitch, part friendly, part shy, part bold, part critical. And mostly smart. oops. :)

Thank you for the people I met. The relationships I formed. The failures and successes that you so kindly put me through. 

I will forever be thankful. I owe you a lot. Honor and Excellence, I promise to always uphold. 

In my own way, I promise that you'll be proud of me.

Thank you UP. Thank you UP Engg. It was a nice journey. The ride was epic.